In Nikki's Blog

Wow! Where has the time gone? I can’t believe it’s almost May and I’m sitting here watching our “miracle Peyton” swing inside our hospital room that overlooks downtown KC. He truly is a miracle and I will continue to say that to remind myself how lucky I am that I still have him here. He has had a rough start to this world and for that I’m sad. The silver lining in this situation is that he will never remember any of this. The failed attempts at a lumbar punctures, the needles, the withdrawals he went through with coming off all his meds. None of it. I took a couple pictures as a reminder of where he’s been and where he is now. It’s all I need to look at when I’m sitting in the hospital desperately wanting to escape. It’s the smack in the face I need when I selfishly want this to all be over. 

Time. Patience. Slow. All of these words have a new meaning. This is a timely process. Patience is the key to getting better. Slow is the rate at which this has drug out. But one of the words, I look at now even more differently is THANKFUL. I am THANKFUL that God let me be a mom and I’m THANKFUL that he held Peyton’s hand through the dark days. I’m THANKFUL for a strength I never even knew I had. THANKFUL that Peyton had an even deeper strength that pulled him through a sickness that was literally shutting down his body. Peyton’s strength is amazing and I can truly say that I watched a miracle unfold. 

All of this going on has made me feel completely torn between home and the hospital. After all, I still have two children at home. My mom has been at our house since March 30. She took off time from work to come help with the twins and Brody. She hasn’t left since then. She has been here taking care of Chase and Brody the entire time. I can’t even imagine what we would have done without her. She has slowed Brett and I to be at the hospital TOGETHER. Thank God for mothers. And I thank God even more for her being MY mother. 

Here’s to the next couple of days! Hopefully we’ll be home with the boys soon!

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